Memo 1
Title: Globalization: Blessing or Curse?
Date: 05/24/2011
Decision: Reject
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your essay about Globalization. Unfortunately, I have decided to reject your essay because it is not Timely or Relevant, and is only slightly Compelling.
I have had trouble deciding what the argument of this essay is. At first, it seems as if your argument is debating whether or not globalization is a positive or negative aspect of our daily life. It is unclear which side you stand on, however, because in the first paragraph, you give details that seem to be positive, but then change your viewpoint to state why the reader may have a preconceived idea about globalization being negative. After this, you change your argument again to say that globalization is inevitable but it is also unclear what it will bring. This essay is not Timely because it does not have a clear argument. On the other hand, if the argument is that globalization is making a difference in the world and we cannot stop it, I think this is heading towards a Timely argument. My suggestion to make this essay more Timely is to decide whether or not globalization is negative or positive and then use evidence to back up your argument, keeping it the same throughout the entire essay.
This article lacks Relevance. Yes, it is important for the world to be aware of the fact that globalization is happening, however it is unclear from your essay who your target audience it is. It seems as if the target audience is mostly someone who is already aware of globalization and its effects, based on the way you used your evidence. In the second paragraph, you mention that “As college students, we have to worry about our future because of decreasing job opportunities.” However, you only back this up with the sentence before it stating that American jobs are decreasing. If you included more reasons why globalization is something that affects college students, your essay would target the commonplace audience more accurately. For example, maybe include something other than just potential jobs that are being taken away. I personally do not know anything about the effects of globalization, just as most college students would not. Another way to make your essay more Relevant is to not assume that people know very much about globalization and add in some background evidence.
If you add in this evidence, your essay will become much more Compelling. There are a few points in your essay where you incorporate a bit of evidence, such as reference to the United Nations in the 5th paragraph, and relating globalization to the recession. This is a good start to appealing to ethos. However, I would suggest adding maybe one or two more sources that will back up your point. By adding in more evidence, not only will you seem more credible as the author, but your point will seem to be more concrete. Not only will adding more evidence appeal to ethos, but it will also appeal to logos. It will appeal to logos because it is adding more logical reasoning behind your argument. Your essay does a good job of appealing to pathos. For instance, you use the words negative, and disasters. By using words with strong connotations such as these, it makes the reader feel as if your argument is worth reading. However, you need to remember that just using these words does not make your argument Timely.
Overall, your essay needs to appeal more to the three CommonPlace criteria. The first step is to choose an argument that is clear, and also that is Timely. After that, you should back it up with many sources and make sure to appeal to pathos, logos, and ethos. While doing so, just make sure you are writing it while targeting a college audience, and your essay will be golden! Thank you again for the opportunity to read and review your essay.
Sincerely,
Your peer editor
Memo 2
Title: Globalization: Blessing or Curse?
Date: 5/24/11
Decision: Revise and Resubmit
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time and energy to type and submit an essay for Commonplace publication. Globalization is happening at an amazingly quick rate, and technology continues to grow faster and faster for some countries. It is understandable to be a little worried that the United States might be overrun by these quickly developing countries. This article is very relevant and compelling, but the timeliness is slightly off at times. With revisions, this could be a Commonplace article.
You argue that globalization could possibly be both a good and a bad thing. You give several examples in your first paragraph on how globalization helps the world grow and how convenient it is to be in contact with virtually anyone when we want to be, no matter the distance. In the second paragraph, you stated the bad side of globalization. You mentioned how we would be more prone to attack, less advanced in technology, less employed, and overall overtaken by growing countries such as China.
You did a very good job showing how relevant globalization is for the audience. As college students, we are all very concerned about the situation will be with jobs when we graduate. According to your paper, globalization is a possible problem for students like us, and you give sufficient proof as to why it may be. In addition, as Americans we have all felt the sting of the 9/11 attacks in one way or another. You blame part of this on globalization, which is very possible. America is becoming less safe and it is much more possible that we will experience attacks on our land due to advancements in other societies. If you were to mention the other reasons why these attacks happen in addition, it could possibly be more credible.
The main problem with your article in my opinion is the fact that you give no real potential solutions to globalization. You claim that it is irreversible and we will have to deal with it, but you provide no real resolution. I understand that there is no real known solution at this time for the problems of globalization, but that point should be emphasized in your argument.
I also believe you could have provided more details in some areas. As for the quick growth of China, I think you should explain the advancements they have been making in the past few decades and how they are making greater strides than most other countries. You should also explain what kind of “sophisticated science and technology” that put out country at the top of the technological world. Most of the more advanced technology college students know of is in game systems that come from overseas. They do not know the advancements in the technological field we have made as a country.
Overall, your essay is compelling and relevant, but lacks timeliness in some areas. I think if you add in minor details that would give the audience sufficient information, the essay would make much more sense. The beauty is the fact that not much work has to be done. You make valid points and give proof, but you need a little more proof. With careful revision, you could resubmit this article for a better chance.
Memo 3
Title: Globalization: Blessing or Curse?
Date: 5/27/2011
Decision: Rejected
Dear Author:
Thank you for the opportunity to read your argument on how globalization affects the world we live in today and the world we will live in tomorrow. I think your essay is timely due to the fact that globalization affects everyone including all college students, maybe even more so than other demographics because of the diversity of a college environment. Your essay is lacking in relevance and a clear compelling argument, which is, unfortunately, why I cannot accept this essay according to the requirements of Commonplace.
I understand the main argument you are presenting to be that globalization is going to happen and continue to happen and we cannot stop this trend from happening, but there are ways that we can stay ahead as a country and deal with globalization to the best of our ability. In support of your argument, you claim that we need to focus on our responsibility to, “assist underdeveloped countries for better development.” Another point made is, “in order to stay ahead, we have to give priority to education and universities, even though we are in a difficult economic environment.” You do emphasize that we can make the best of this situation by continuing to do the good things globalization brings to our society and working to limit the negative affects globalization has upon everyone.
Let’s begin with the introduction of your essay. As I read through the introduction the first thing I notice is the use of multiple questions in the first half of the introduction. Asking questions can be a great way to relate to your audience. Although, having this many and in succession of one another immediately in the beginning of the introduction is probably not the best route to grab the reader’s attention. These questions do have some relevancy to the topic at hand but are not proposed in the best way to relate to all college students. Many college students attend small universities or community colleges where issues such as diversity and integration of elements drawn from the Asian culture are not pressing issues. Try to think about how every individual college student across America would be able to understand and relate to the info that is provided to them throughout the course of your paper. Also, in the latter part of the introduction it says, “Consequently, because of these extensive and intensive globalization processes, we can communicate regardless of how far away we are from each other; we can travel to almost anywhere in the world; and we can do business in different countries and regions.” This statement may be true but the introduction of the paper needs to give your basic view of what you would like argue throughout the paper. Ask yourself, was I arguing in support of the fact that we can communicate, travel and conduct business anywhere in the world because of globalization? Or were you trying to focus more on arguing how we can better the inevitable concept of globalization?
In paragraph two you give a different perspective of globalization. This is a very good idea as it allows the reader to view your argument from multiple angles to gather together his or her own view by the end of the essay.
As I read through paragraph three and on, I noticed that your argument had changed or at least taken a more direct path to what you were really trying to get your reader to understand by the end of the essay. The common point that all of these paragraphs make is the fact that globalization is happening no matter what. Therefore, the best option we have is to be prepared and work to better globalization. For example, at the end of paragraph three you say, “In other words, the key is to adapt to the new environment, keep an optimistic mind to meet the challenge, and exert ourselves to remain leaders in the world. Although the challenge is fierce and huge, we can do a better job under the context of globalization.” Your argument at the beginning of the paper was rather unclear. Whereas, in paragraph three and the rest of your paper you argue ways we can stay ahead and combat globalization. Initiate your argument from the beginning of the paper and continue to support it throughout the essay.
Lastly, work is greatly needed on grammar. There are numerous grammatical errors in your paper that need to be fixed in order for those errors to not detract from the paper as a whole.
Thanks again for the opportunity to critique your essay.
Best,
Peer Editor
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